"And Now My Lifesong Sings..."

Hello readers...

Life and love are beautiful. On a day like today where I don't have all that much to do, my mind has time to wander a bit. On a normal day where I have school and work, a million other things are racing through my mind every second. The next deadline, test and appointment.

The title "And Now My Lifesong Sings" is a song by a Christian group called Casting Crowns. I'm listening to the lyrics and melody of this song as I'm typing and I feel like reflecting on all of the blessings I have in my life. Perhaps when you just have a birthday, you start thinking about your life thus far? It's a decent guess, right?

I've always believed that old cliche that everything happens for a reason, even if at the time, I have no idea what that reason is. The harder the trial, the bigger the blessing. I choose to live my life without any regrets. Sure, there are things that I wish would have happened another way. I think of them as a second chance to do right. I believe everything that I've endured over these past 20 years is for a reason. It's such an amazing feeling to be able to know that you are where you're supposed to be. I can say with every bit of confidence I have that I'm in the right place and God has many more plans for me beyond my wildest dreams. And I have a lot of dreams.

My heart was broken over and over by the same "boy". I could never understand why we weren't working. Then, when I least expected to really fall in love, I met Jason and instantly knew there was something different about him. Ever since meeting him just eight months ago, I understand why the other guy and I didnt' work. Something much better was coming along, I just had to go through some pain so I knew what real love was like. Now I have someone who loves and supports me in everything I do. Someone who shares the same dreams I have. Someone who loves me for me-unconditionally. Someone who holds my heart so carefully, it never gets broken or bruised. Someone that I joke around with being 80 years old sitting next to in the rocking chair. Someone to spend the rest of your life with. That someone isn't just "someone", he's "the one"-Jason. He is truly a blessing in my life.

When I worked at Convergy's, I had so many issues with my schedule. I needed every other weekend off and they scheduled me for the exact weekends I couldn't work. As most of you know, I go to IL with Jason and Anthony (Jason's lil bro) every other weekend and see the kids. I had to call in several times and work different shifts just so I could go up there. I couldn't miss seeing those kids. No one there seemed to understand how important this trip to IL was. They figured if they weren't "my kids", it didn't matter. Little did they know, these kids have come to mean the world to me and I love them as if they were my kids. It wasn't that I wanted to go. I needed to go. I worked as a customer service represenative for Chrysler Financial America. There was another project, CF Canada, that Jason and I were both offered, along with a few others. It meant not working any Saturdays because the Canada project weren't open on Saturdays. He was able to take the position. The schedule didn't work with my school schedule, so I was unable to take it. As happy and proud I was that he was able to take the position, I couldn't understand why it had to be this way. That would have been perfect for me, if it weren't for my school schedule. Then came Walgreens.

Jason's mom, Kelly has been a pharmacy tech for 7 years. She talked with the head pharmacist about my accomadations to see if he'd be willing to work with me. I applied and a few weeks later I started working. This was just another example that I didn't understand until now. Now I can go to work with a positive attitude because I feel like they really care about my life and are working my work schedule around my life schedule (the kids and school). I love the people I work with and I enjoy it so much more than Convergy's. It's much more my pace.

In going through all of the scheduling issues, it made me realize just how important it is to fight for what you want. Or in my case, what I need. I feel like some people have had a difficult time in understanding this whole "kid thing" and how much my life has changed. All I can say is that yes, it's difficult at times, but to me it's more than worth it. I wouldnt' trade the life I have right now for anything else in the entire world. I can't stop talking about these kids because they make me so happy. They are 3/4 of the reason my life is so amazing now. I've learned so much more about love, sacrifice, determination, pride, happiness, and priorities than I ever knew before. Some of it is just getting a little older, but the biggest part of it I owe to Jason and those three beautiful children.

I'm surrounded by so many people that love and support me and I couldn't be anymore greatful for that. I'm thankful for my family and friends, my health, and my life in general. It's Friday, so exactly one week from now, we'll be making the next trip to IL. We'll open the door and be nearly knocked over because they'll see us and come running. Or, if they're already asleep when we get there, bright and early Saturday morning they'll be seeing which one of us they can get up first. Then the weekend will end all too soon as it always does on Sunday. And we'll head back to Missouri listening to the radio and playing singing games to keep our spirits up. Because maybe we'll find part of ourselves in a lyric of a song that comforts that empty feeling in our hearts, and reminds us that in two weeks, we get to come back and see those smiling faces again.

So friends and family, this is my "Lifesong." Everybody has a song and a story...what's yours?

Love,
Cole

My birthday! :)

Here are a few pics of the photo album that Jason bought me for my birthday. The white one is hard to see but it says, "With every step love grows" on the front of the box. Isn't is nice? I love it. I've also received a TON of birthday wishes via the 'net (Myspace, My Yearbook, Facebook, email) but my favorite was the email my dad sent me. He wrote a poem for me and sent it as an attatchment. He is in Wisconsin right now so he couldn't be here for my birthday. It was really sweet. I also received several cards that I have sitting on my computer desk. One is a look-a-like of my cat dressed up really cute from my parents, one is a cowboy from the Raymo's and another is a really sweet card from my aunt and uncle. Grandma Stella (Jason's grandma) bought me some chocolate and gave it to me the last weekened we were up there. She knows I love my chocolate. haha. I have several gift cards coming from my mom and dad too, once I decide which ones I want. I'm thinking about getting a digital camera with a few of those cards. I've been wanting a new one for a while now. I got out of a Bio test today...no school b/c of the icy weather. So, I woke up, talked to Jason for a little while and then slept in....woke up and ate some cereal and then went to work. I've been home 2 and a half hours now. After I eat, I'm thinking about just taking a bubble bath. Sounds nice, right? :) Thank you to anyone reading this for simply being in my life. I love and appreciate all of you! :)

My necklace!

Well, I said that I'd try and get a picture of my necklace up close. I've taken several and there was always a glare, so I guess I'll just have to show it in person because the pic I got I look like a dork in! Oh well...it'll give ya an idea of what it looks like. Also, Luke was learning how to play Jason's "gee-tar." ;)

More random IL pics

Here are some more random pics from 2 weeks ago in IL. My mom bought the kids some little Valentine's Day animals, so there's a few pics of the kids with them. Shawn is potty training, so I had to get a picture of him saying "bye bye" to...well, ya know. haha. He's goofy. He waives at the toilet paper going down the toilet. The rest of the pics are of Jason wrestling with the kids and his lil bro Anthony.

Shawn's 3rd Birthday Party

I have my digital camera back now. As promised, here are some pictures of Shawn and the rest of the family. Some of the pictures of Shawn and Jason are too cute! I hope ya like 'em!

I have the best boyfriend ever!

My day started off pretty normal...went to school and then work. I was working with Jason's mom tonight when she walks by me to say she's going to try and get Jason to visit us tonight and then asked if I wanted food, if he didn't mind stopping to get something. Of course I said yes because I don't pass up food...or the chance to see him!

I was staying really busy so I didn't pay all that much attention to the time, but my stomach was sure telling me I was hungry. Once Jason got there, I hurried to clock out for lunch and went outside to talk to him and eat my Quizno's. Well, that's what I thought...

I open the door and there is a white box sitting on the seat...and it says, "With every step love grows" on it. I asked, "What is this?" He smiled and told me it was for me. Since my birthday is next Thursday, we probably won't see eachother because we'll both be working...so he wanted to give me something a little early. I hurry to open the box to find some wrapping that I can't open when he says, "Look at the corner. I've already started it for you so you could open it easier." Wow, does he know me or what? haha There was a beautiful photo album (it looks all fancy!) that says "Our Journey" on the front and a place for a picture. He knows how much I love taking pictures....so now I have something really nice to put them in! And...we're not done yet!

So then I start opening my sandwhich when he says he's looking for something...and says, "Oh here...Happy Valentine's Day." He was pretending to look for something else though....and I said, "Jason!?! I thought we already did Valentine's Day?" So at this point I'm about to cry because the box is shaped like jewelry....I open it up and there is this BEAUTIFUL necklace that has 7 diamonds in it. It has a gold chain and it's kind of squiggly shaped. Omgod, I LOVE IT! I couldn't believe it...here I'm thinking he's just bringing Quizno's...I swear, he's amazing. So after I hug him and thank him and say "Oh my God" like 100 times, I had to go back inside and I immediately showed his mom....then just about every girl back in the pharmacy! Ha! I don't have my camera back until this weekend, but I'll try and post a picture of the necklace.

So yes...I have the best boyfriend ever! Sorry ladies, I win...end of story! ;)

+Shawn+

+Shawn+

Shawn is my little buddy...he is Mr. Personality. I don't care what kind of mood I'm in, just seeing his smile makes my day a little better. I think the child eats almost as much as I do! He'll eat just about anything you put in front of him...then seconds...then thirds! lol The looks he gives are just priceless. He's so adorable you just want to hug him and not let go!

-Lucas-

-Lucas-

Lucas is adorable because he looks just his dad. He's kind of the shy one out of the three. He has big beautiful brown eyes and the cutest little smile. He always closes his eyes or hides part of his face in pictures...it's funny. The way he says "Spongebob" is the cutest thing ever. He likes putting puzzles together and he's pretty darn good at it too!

*Jasmine*

I've decided to put a few pics up of each of the kids...so I'll go in order of oldest to youngest!

*Princess Jasmine*

Jasmine is five years old and the first born of three...the only girl! She's so beautiful and intelligent. She is daddy's #1 girl...and she loves that. (She even looks at me like, 'Did you hear that? I'm #1!' So cute!) I can't say enough about her, she's just adorable!

My first blog!

Hey everyone!

So, my cousin Connie sent me a link to this blog site and encouraged me to join. I usually never have the time for things like this anymore, but today is just my lucky day, I guess!

My blog site is titled "Love is Beautiful" because....it is! I found love just about 8 months ago and I feel truly blessed. I'm not going to sit here and gush, but I will say that I've never been happier, and I love my life. I'm learning so much more about love with Jason just interacting with those children. The world is so innocent through a child's eyes. Looking at those children have made me realize that there is a whole other kind of love out there that I'm now experiencing...and I hope to experience it on a deeper level in the future. I know I said I wasn't going to sit here and gush, so I will just say one more thing. I read a quote a few days ago that said, "When you love someone, you can tell. When you're "in love" with someone, the whole world can tell." How true is that?

For those that don't know, I go to school during the morning/afternoon and then I work at night. I'm doing homework and housework and cooking just about every second in between. Oh, I manage to find some time for sleeping somehow! lol Then every other weekend Jason and I (usually his little bro is w/us too) head up to a little town called Virginia, IL to see his kids. The past few trips we've run into some nasty weather...and since it's kinda nasty today, I hope it's clear for this weekend. I tell ya, it gets pretty stressful during the week, but when you walk in the door and three kids come running to hug you and start telling you about their loose tooth and the new toy they got...it makes EVERYTHING worth it. It's a feeling that is purely indescribable. I love it. Then we have to take them back home early evening (around 5 or so) on Sunday and head back to Missouri. If leaving them isn't an empty feeling, I don't know what is.

Today began just like usual....woke up, took a shower, called Jason until he had to get ready for work. While he was driving to work, I heard sleet outside, but I didn't pay all that much attention to it. I was on http://www.myfox2.com/ checking the school closings, as well as Jeffco's website (http://www.jeffco.edu/) and nothing was indicating my class was cancelled. I even called up to the Arnold campus to see. All she told me was, "As of right now we're still open...just keep checking the site." What a lot of help that was! A few moments later, I decided to refresh the Jeffco site and I yelled "YES!!!! CLASS IS CANCELLED!" I had a math test today, so I was just a little excited that my class was cancelled!

So now I get to spend part of the day doing things that I never have time to do anymore because of my schedule. So, after I finish exploring this blog site a bit, I'm going to vacuum, clean my room, do homework that is due later in the week, and just relax until I have to go to work.

Speaking of work, I just started a new job last Tuesday. I'm now working at the Vogel Walgreens as a Pharmacy Tech. Jason's mom told me about some openings after the first of the year and since I was having difficulties with my schedule at Convergy's, I decided to give it a shot. They're working with my schedule (school schedule as well as my IL schedule), I'm making more money, my insurance will be better, I'll have profit sharing, etc...so it's working for me all the way around. I really love it! So if you have to take a run to Walgreens and it's after 4, stop by and see me!

I also have a Myspace page, so most of my pictures are already on there. I left my digital camera in IL the last trip we had two weeks ago! I had some pictures from Shawn's birthday party too...so I'm anxious to get my camera back this weekend so I can upload the photos. I take so many pictures of those kids....I'm sure nowhere NEAR as much as Connie takes though! (Love ya, Connie!)

Well, it's already almost 1:00 and I have a lot of stuff to do before I go to work. So, this ends my first blog....also, I tend to write A LOT, so when I do get a few moments to write, look out. You'll probably fall asleep before reading the whole blog!

Love,
Nicole