"And Now My Lifesong Sings..."

Hello readers...

Life and love are beautiful. On a day like today where I don't have all that much to do, my mind has time to wander a bit. On a normal day where I have school and work, a million other things are racing through my mind every second. The next deadline, test and appointment.

The title "And Now My Lifesong Sings" is a song by a Christian group called Casting Crowns. I'm listening to the lyrics and melody of this song as I'm typing and I feel like reflecting on all of the blessings I have in my life. Perhaps when you just have a birthday, you start thinking about your life thus far? It's a decent guess, right?

I've always believed that old cliche that everything happens for a reason, even if at the time, I have no idea what that reason is. The harder the trial, the bigger the blessing. I choose to live my life without any regrets. Sure, there are things that I wish would have happened another way. I think of them as a second chance to do right. I believe everything that I've endured over these past 20 years is for a reason. It's such an amazing feeling to be able to know that you are where you're supposed to be. I can say with every bit of confidence I have that I'm in the right place and God has many more plans for me beyond my wildest dreams. And I have a lot of dreams.

My heart was broken over and over by the same "boy". I could never understand why we weren't working. Then, when I least expected to really fall in love, I met Jason and instantly knew there was something different about him. Ever since meeting him just eight months ago, I understand why the other guy and I didnt' work. Something much better was coming along, I just had to go through some pain so I knew what real love was like. Now I have someone who loves and supports me in everything I do. Someone who shares the same dreams I have. Someone who loves me for me-unconditionally. Someone who holds my heart so carefully, it never gets broken or bruised. Someone that I joke around with being 80 years old sitting next to in the rocking chair. Someone to spend the rest of your life with. That someone isn't just "someone", he's "the one"-Jason. He is truly a blessing in my life.

When I worked at Convergy's, I had so many issues with my schedule. I needed every other weekend off and they scheduled me for the exact weekends I couldn't work. As most of you know, I go to IL with Jason and Anthony (Jason's lil bro) every other weekend and see the kids. I had to call in several times and work different shifts just so I could go up there. I couldn't miss seeing those kids. No one there seemed to understand how important this trip to IL was. They figured if they weren't "my kids", it didn't matter. Little did they know, these kids have come to mean the world to me and I love them as if they were my kids. It wasn't that I wanted to go. I needed to go. I worked as a customer service represenative for Chrysler Financial America. There was another project, CF Canada, that Jason and I were both offered, along with a few others. It meant not working any Saturdays because the Canada project weren't open on Saturdays. He was able to take the position. The schedule didn't work with my school schedule, so I was unable to take it. As happy and proud I was that he was able to take the position, I couldn't understand why it had to be this way. That would have been perfect for me, if it weren't for my school schedule. Then came Walgreens.

Jason's mom, Kelly has been a pharmacy tech for 7 years. She talked with the head pharmacist about my accomadations to see if he'd be willing to work with me. I applied and a few weeks later I started working. This was just another example that I didn't understand until now. Now I can go to work with a positive attitude because I feel like they really care about my life and are working my work schedule around my life schedule (the kids and school). I love the people I work with and I enjoy it so much more than Convergy's. It's much more my pace.

In going through all of the scheduling issues, it made me realize just how important it is to fight for what you want. Or in my case, what I need. I feel like some people have had a difficult time in understanding this whole "kid thing" and how much my life has changed. All I can say is that yes, it's difficult at times, but to me it's more than worth it. I wouldnt' trade the life I have right now for anything else in the entire world. I can't stop talking about these kids because they make me so happy. They are 3/4 of the reason my life is so amazing now. I've learned so much more about love, sacrifice, determination, pride, happiness, and priorities than I ever knew before. Some of it is just getting a little older, but the biggest part of it I owe to Jason and those three beautiful children.

I'm surrounded by so many people that love and support me and I couldn't be anymore greatful for that. I'm thankful for my family and friends, my health, and my life in general. It's Friday, so exactly one week from now, we'll be making the next trip to IL. We'll open the door and be nearly knocked over because they'll see us and come running. Or, if they're already asleep when we get there, bright and early Saturday morning they'll be seeing which one of us they can get up first. Then the weekend will end all too soon as it always does on Sunday. And we'll head back to Missouri listening to the radio and playing singing games to keep our spirits up. Because maybe we'll find part of ourselves in a lyric of a song that comforts that empty feeling in our hearts, and reminds us that in two weeks, we get to come back and see those smiling faces again.

So friends and family, this is my "Lifesong." Everybody has a song and a story...what's yours?

Love,
Cole