The Results...

Wow...today was such a great day! Jason had a dentist appointment at 11:15 so he came and picked me up and we went to his appointment, and they pulled one of his teeth. Poor thing gets really nervous about going to the dentist, but everything turned out fine. Then we went to Jefferson College for the Poetry Slam.

Before I get into that, I just have to announce (once again) how much I love Jason. Our plans changed last minute...he ended up coming to the Poetry Slam with me, standing there for two hours in pain. Note when you have an extraction, you're supposed to go home, lie down and rest. No, he was there to support me.

So we walk in and Word in Motion (a poetry group) started reading some poems they had written and then it was open mic, basically, for students that wanted to get up there and read. I had never been to a poetry slam before. It was actually kind of cool. Of course, I was too chicken to go up there. lol Then, one of the judges of the poetry contest stood up to announce the stats.

75 poets. 129 poems. 5 finalists. I came in 2nd place!!!!!!!!!!!!! The girl who won wasn't even there! The judge asked if any of the finalists wanted to come up and read. There was a bit of silence and I raised my hand and said that I'd read. I was more worried that I would start crying while reading it...and sure enough, I DID! lol I got to the second stanza and started crying. Part of the crowd had left after the slam, and Jason said that I received the biggest applause out of anyone that stood up there and read...and half the people were gone! I was too nervous to even think about that. I know it was well received, but I was trying to stop crying. lol

As I start reading, I look out and I see Jason sitting there trying to take some pictures of me while I'm reading, and I think that is part of why I started crying. This is an "off week", otherwise not an IL weekend. These weeks are always hard because it feels like forever until we're going to see the kids again. I look out and see him, still numb from the novacain...but looking at me in a way that I know he's so proud of me. He was trying to smile and his lip was numb, and it was the cutest thing. haha

They gave each of the finalists some expensive chocolates...and half of my box is gone already. lol We will also have our poems featured on the library website, so I just have to email my poem. Even though I didn't win, to be completely honest with you, I didn't care. I felt like I had already won just because I was a finalist...one of my poems was picked out of 128 others. My very loving and beautiful boyfriend was sitting there to witness this moment. I got the courage to get up in front of a decent crowd of people and read something so heart-wretchingly painful. I had people coming up to Jason and I afterwards saying how much they enjoyed my poem and that I should have read it when everyone was there. That made me feel good.

As we were leaving, Jason put his arm around me and said, "Well done...but you should have won!" Even if he's "a little" bias, it was still sweet. He couldn't talk a whole bunch, but he was trying. He looked at me and said, "But I'm not kissing you!" LOL

So after all of that, we went to get some food before I had to go to work. Now that it's almost 11:00 pm, I need to get to bed because I have to be back at work tomorrow morning.

THANK YOU to all of the people that have either told me in person or sent me emails congratulating me on being a finalist! I really appreciated it! Jason, thank you for being so loving and supportive. Kelly, thank you for working a few hours of my shift for me so I could even go! And thank you to the three little munchkins that have NO IDEA how much I love them.


-Cole-

I'm a finalist!!!

Okay, so around 2:30'ish I was talking to Jason as he was driving to work when I get a call on the other line. Unfotunately, I didn't get to it in time and it wasn't a number I recognized. I called it back and it ended up being Jefferson College, but the lady that answered had no idea who would have called me or why.

I decided to take a nap before I had to go to work and I set my alarm for 3:30. I'm lying there and I hear the phone go off and I'm thinking, "Aw man...is it that time already???" Well, it was Jeffco again, telling me that one of my poems made me a FINALIST for the poetry competition. Is that not cool, or what? I posted both on here...they were "Home" and "But I Aint Momma", and the latter is the one they're considering. There is a Poetry Slam on Friday at noon and I'm trying to see if I'm able to go or not. I'm supposed to work, but I have Kelly (Jason's mom) who is very sweet and said she could work for a little bit of my shift for me, if I need her to. Since I'm a finalist, and I can also get extra credit for going...I may just have to go for a little while.

At this point, I don't care if I win...I consider this "winning enough." I'm so excited. I'm very proud that "But I Aint Momma" was the one that they chose to consider. I'll let you all know what happens when I find out on Friday.

Poetry Contest

I received an email about a week ago in my Jeffco inbox about a poetry contest that Jefferson College was having. I decided, "What the heck?" and wrote a few poems that I could enter. I haven't written much of anything in the past year, so I thought it may be a little difficult for the words to come to me. I've had so many more things to write about in the past several months but I never found an opportunity to write those feelings down. I think this contest was what I needed to force myself to write something.

A few weeks ago, Mrs. Cartee, one of the English teachers that used to be at Fox came into my Walgreens. Even though she wasn't my teacher, she was good friends with one of the best teachers in the school-- Mr. Krutzsch. He was my Language Arts III and Newspaper teacher. He really helped me with my writing. She asked if I had a blog and if I was still writing. I gave her the URL address to this site, so hopefully she has made her way over here. Now, she has some poetry to read. I feel like I've found part of myself now that I got the chance to write again.

I don't have much feedback yet because only one person has read them so far...but the poem(s) brought her to tears, so I'll take that as a good sign. Read and comment, if you like.

Thanks for reading,
Nicole

Home

Silence is lonely
And silence is not sound
From Illinois to Missouri
It’s the only common ground
Static is our music
The engine plays bass
I’m still holding your hand
While trying to hide my face
I fight to keep the rain inside
But with you I should know
You can see my tears
When my eyes are dry
The view ahead is foggy
Even the brights only shine so far
I look up at the sky
Searching to find that perfect star
At this point wishing won’t do a thing
We’re on this road together
Such a lifeless song we sing
Emptiness takes over
Every inch of our hearts
Knowing that it breaks
With each goodbye
When this old car starts

The static finally fades
And the silence breaks
Just three little words
Is all it takes
Half the trip is over
And we’re almost home
But if home is where the heart is
We’re driving the opposite way
There isn’t anything more I want
Than for us to just stay
If you’re looking for a reason
I can give you three
A little girl and two boys
They need us, can’t you see?

We’re so many miles away from Home
As I step out of the car, alone
The time has come once again
When I hold you tighter—
Tighter than you’ve ever been
I’m about to walk into this house
A house that barely feels like home
Even when it’s crowded, I feel so alone
You remind me how much you love me
And you kiss my forehead goodnight
I start walking and you start driving
Completely out of one another’s sight

But I Aint Momma

I look into the eyes
Of each innocent child
Our hair is chocolate brown
Our eyes match perfectly
But I aint momma

We share hugs and kisses
“I love you’s” and good nights
But no one could prepare me for
The tears I have to fight
Because I aint momma

I’m about to change his diaper
When the little one says, “I gotta go!”
We run to the bathroom
Before there are any “Uh oh’s”
I want to tell him, “Mommy’s so proud of you!”
But I aint momma

My little princess is crying
And she’ll only talk to me
“Please don’t tell anyone,
that includes my daddy”
I want to dry her tears
And tell her, “Mommy’s here”
But I aint momma

Lunch is ready
Peanut butter and jelly times three
“Cut mine in half, just how I like it, please”
I know this; I’m just not quick enough
Three at one time can be a little tough
Because I aint momma

I wipe their dirty faces
I scrub their dirty feet
I make sure no one goes to bed
Until we all brush our teeth
But I aint momma

I say “sweet dreams”
And tuck three children in bed
Before turning out the light
I kiss all three foreheads
But I aint momma

I wake up instantly
When I hear them cry
Knowing a nightmare
Is probably the reason why
But I aint momma

Even though I didn’t give birth
It doesn’t take away what I’m worth
Just because I aint momma